Searching the Cyberspace for the Trumpian Cuban Clown.
Once upon a time, I felt lower than a gopher’s basement. Deep inside, I realized I hadn’t lifted a finger to support my fellow Trump-loving Cuban patriots—those poor souls who didn’t even have a penny-pinching website’s ventanita napkin sketch to declare their undying devotion to Trump.
Ironically, their so-called beacon of freedom has more in common with their past dictator than they’d ever care to admit.
I swear, I looked everywhere! I scoured the web high and low, but it was like searching for a drop of water in the Sahara. Zilch. Nada. I couldn’t find a Trump-loving Cuban in cyberspace if my life depended on it!
(For those unfamiliar, a ventanita is a small coffee window in Miami where locals pass around a colada—a highly caffeinated Cuban espresso—and engage in what can best be described as an ignorant gritería about politics.)
Adventures in Intellectual Tatooinesque Miami: Cradle of Trumpian-Cuban Patriotism..
The Trump-adoring Cuban diaspora vegetates in an unfathomable, pitch-black cybernetic darkness!
On a rainy day in Miami, I woke up to the sound of thunder and decided to right a wrong. I had to act —damn it. My fellow Cuban wannabe dictators deserve a chance to let the world know that they are first-class clowns! It is a matter of princ...whatever!
So, I said to myself: Let’s build a Trump-ass-kissing website for the Cuban patriots to bow down to their new master, Donald Trump, while reminding the world that they couldn’t get enough of their former master, Fidel Castro.
Some misadventure!
I’m usually busy, but pulling the Cuban pretenders out of the Twilight Zone felt like a quasi-religious commendation, and I couldn’t help but answer the call.
So, I took a deep breath and made up my mind: Let’s make our Miami Cuban Trumpist jingoists famous in the world of the internet!
First, of course, I had to check if the Trump-loving Miami Cubans were even listed in the free Yellow Pages. So, I rushed to my computer and started searching online—English, of course. Wait, I know, I know! Don’t jump to conclusions yet. I get it: the Miami Cuban Trump-patriots are diehard Republicans with serious issues about Mary being a boy and Tom being a girl , but hey, English is what I believe Donald Trump jives with.
So, I tried Cubans for Trump first, because I was sure I’d hit the jackpot. BINGO! I landed on a page that sells premium domains!
WOW! THERE WAS A 305 NUMBER TO CALL AND A GMAIL ADDRESS TO MAKE AN OFFER! LOOK AT THIS! ANY OFFER! THEY ACCEPT ANYTHING!
Hold your horses! Did I say Gmail? Are you kidding me? They’re selling premium domains and can’t spare a few bucks for a decent email address?! What a joke! I was off to a rough start.
But I didn’t despair. I gave it another shot—this time searching Cubans 4 Trump because, as luck would have it, the original ‘patriots’ (who blocked me for calling them idiots) had a fondness for replacing words with numbers.
Strike two! This one’s even worse. It doesn’t open, and even Google gets scared. "Don't open it!" screams the alert.
I asked myself, is it going to work in Spanish?
It looks like English doesn’t always work in America, so I decided to try my search in Spanish—should’ve been my first option, since Spanish is our mother tongue. But, you know, Trump-adoring idiots are weird, and you have to let them be.
I went to the search bar and tried everything that came to mind. Nothing. Zero. Nada. Cuban patriots were nowhere to be found! A sad reality just hit me in the face.
That’s when I had the answer to my doubts. Nobody hears my fellow Cuban patriots screaming louder for Trump because they are cyber-invisible in the 21st century. And that bothers me because, yes, it’s true that the most ardent Cuban nitwits cheering for Trump can hardly pay for a croqueta at the Versailles restaurant, but they could at least pretend a little harder and come together with a few bucks to pay for a moderately decent website, which doesn’t cost that much. Is it patriotic stinginess, or what?
At this point, I wasn’t feeling optimistic. The situation was depressing, and I felt it wasn’t fair.
My time to shine had come!
I’ve dedicated part of my life to helping others, and while the Trump-heart-hugging Cuban idiots are, well, that, they are still human beings—Cubans like me who need a space to express themselves.
So, I bought a cheap domain and designed a starter webpage to give them a home. It’s the least I could do in the name of freedom of expression and democracy.
You can see the results of my modest contribution to the ardent Cuban Trump-aficionados diaspora by clicking on: