Yes, I was filthy rich in Cuba! Español
I left Cuba because it's under a dictatorship. Children are starving, and the police would throw me in jail just for wanting democracy. They torture people and all that stuff.
Phew! Forget about that crap; I didn't leave because of that.
How ridiculous! Honestly, I still don't know why I left, because, damn, in Cuba, you can get anything you want.
Look, let me tell you about my friend, Petronila, who I ran into at Walmart last Monday. Maybe, then, you'll understand.
The last time I'd seen her before Monday was back in Cuba, like twenty years ago. Back then she was a walking skeleton, just skin and bones, no flesh at all, for real, and the only thing found in her freezer was a frozen orange.
When I saw her now, I almost didn't recognize her; she must have gained a hundred pounds!
It was like a close encounter of the third kind.
Thankfully, for me, she was in a rush because she was heading on a cruise to Punta Cana this weekend and needed to buy a tablet for her youngest daughter to keep her entertained. But, being Cubans, we had time for a little gossip.
Petra told me she traded her old 2000 Corolla for a 2021 Ford Escape; she said she got a great deal.
- You're making moves, huh? Look at you!
Petra didn't even blink and, with a know-it-all look on her face, replied:
- Dude, my oldest daughter is pregnant, and we're going to need the extra space for all the baby stuff. But with these Democrats and the high gas prices, imagine the extra expense!
Let's change the subject, girl. How's your husband?
- Well, Pepe is at the title agency right now picking up the key to the house we just bought. We finally made it after saving since 2002 when we arrived in Miami thanks to the visa lottery, the bombo, you know. The bank approved us for an FHA loan; we only put down 3.5%. Now, we need to save money for Pepe's poolside bar because he can't stop dreaming about that stupid bar by the water.
Damn English, man.
- Other than that, well, English, that's the kicker. We haven't learned much because, honestly, who needs English in Hialeah? At least our daughters were born here, so they're Americans; they don't even think about Cuba. Pepe and I are different; we weren't kids when we finally left Cuba, and we can't stop thinking about the hood. Now, with the house and everything, our only concern is that we won't be able to send as much money to the family; but, well, they have everything they need.
I miss Cuba!
Petra was silent for a few seconds and, suddenly, somewhat scared, she told me that she still doesn't know what the hell she and Pepe are doing here.
- Since we wake up, we can't stop thinking that we have to save more money because Cachy is going to have a baby, and her husband is a damn Cuban slob, and we're going to have to take care of everything. And now, with the house, everyone has a room and a plasma TV, and Wi-Fi. Forget that.
Oh, Cuba!
We were almost saying goodbye when, with nostalgia, she told me they didn't have that many problems in Cuba. (I think she forgot that we knew each other from Cuba; but, well...).
- Think about it. What could we possibly need? That's Cuba, my friend! Pepe was working at a love motel in Cerro, you know, lots of money under the table, and I was a cashier at a bakery a block from my house.
Well, actually, if it comes down to needing things, a bunch of stuff comes to mind, but I didn't say it, of course. I just thought about it. But, how about the 2021 Escape, the tablet, Pepe's bar, the Wi-Fi, and the plasma TVs? Oh! And complaining... a lot, because that's very important for any Cuban... out of Cuba, of course.
- "And the gas at Democrat prices on every corner, she reminded me, as she walked away, but this time loud enough for everyone to hear her.
I bid her goodbye, wishing my friend a blast in Punta Cana, but not without complimenting the MAGA red cap she wore so proudly.
Now, be honest and tell me, don't you see yet that in Cuba we don't miss a beat, or do you still not get it?
SPECIAL NOTE:
If you're not Cuban but read all this, you must have figured out by now that we Cubans leave Cuba because we're clueless.